Feelings are far to numerous, far to real for me!
Feelings to me are a fantasy come to vivid life! Not always colorful and warm, mostly dark & cold really. I don’t know why I feel at all sometimes! I want to turn them off, but sadly I can not.

The truth is I don’t know really what triggers these FEELINGS! I will one day just have them. OCD I think. Some word or phrase will catch my attention and BOOM the switch is flipped and there I go! WHY???? I didn’t think twice about you yesterday and then you say something or make a gesture and its like I am caught in your spell & I won’t or more likely can’t let go.

I will think about what you said and hope you’ll say it again… Then when you don’t I will hope you say anything!
I will dream about you, fantasize about you and the finally, however brief it may be, I will be angry with you and myself.
The more you don’t respond or seek out my company, the more obsessed I become. I have to watch your posts and see if your online. How childish is my stalking and how horrible it makes me feel. I don’t want to like you but I do. To the exclusion of almost everyone else! Damn it!!!!! WHY???

Why don’t you like me enough? What can I do to change this? What did I do wrong? Why do I run them off? What do I need to do to change? I don’t want these FEELINGS!!! Inadequate, insecure, unworthy….UGLY!

You shouldn’t hold so much power over me! Why do I give it to you so freely? Why do you not want ME?

Feelings Suck! I don’t want to feel for you anymore. But I do, so try to be careful with my feelings. They are so delicate and I will break so easily. I don’t want to feel for you & I don’t want to hate me for feeling for you.

I HATE FEELING!

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I have been reading seriously for about 4 years now. I read some when I was younger, the VC Andrews series Flowers in the Attic, but very little until 4 years ago.

A co-worker in surgery was reading Twilight and I went out to Barns and Noble after work that very day. I currently have over 1000 e-books and around 300 books on my shelves at home. I am an addict, I know 😉.

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My taste in books runs pretty specific. I enjoy YA, BDSM, Romance and I Love Paranormal & Erotica. If you haven’t already guessed the common thread in all these is a LOVE STORY! As I was reading my most recent book Razor by Margie Church and KB Cutter, an epiphany came to me about what I need for the BOOK to be special to me!
Are you ready? Drum roll please….. The Love Story 😊 Crazy I know! It’s so simple yet you would be surprised how often it’s missing from the erotica novels that I really enjoy.

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This is an artistic impression of a character from JR Wards Black Dagger Brotherhood Series. This is a perfect example of Paranormal Erotica that has that compelling love story that I need! She draws you to her strong alpha male characters through their almost obsessive love for the “mate” they have come across! If you look at all the Best Selling books directed at women, I can promise you the common link will be the compelling love story inside.

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Most recently I have fallen in love with Christian Grey! EL James penned what in my humble opinion is a Masterpiece! I have gone back no less than 4 times to reread the entire trilogy. The love story that she weaves between Christian and Ana is sublime. To those who want to make this about the BDSM aspect, well let me tell you…. LOL you haven’t a clue.

Just a couple of my favorite love stories that I feel got it right for me; BDB series all of them, The Reluctant Dom, Tina Rebers’ Love Unscripted & Love Unrehearsed, any of Abbie Gaines YA romances, and DB Reynolds Vampires in America Series! This is really a very short list because there are so many more I love and have reread… Oops Laurann Donher’s books, all of them 😊.

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I hope to find more of the books and love stories that I crave and less of those that I finish reading and wish they had that little something that I need!

Well I am off to read my next one, and look forward to many more after that one .

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Enjoy your vacation.

My son, my heart, my pride and my friend.

This has been a big year for us. He turned 18. Graduated from High school and started College. He also started his first job yesterday.

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Although we have been more like friends than “mom & son” it is fun to see him grow into an adult friendship with his father and I.

He called me today on his way home from work. This may sound very small in most peoples important files, but for me it is BIG!!! This is something I do with my own mother as well as my husband. He filled me in on his day at work. I was most excited to hear the pride in his voice about going on some deliveries by himself on his second day. He is an Auto Parts delivery guy. This little Insight to his day just made me feel so happy. My babyman wanted me to know about his day 😃.

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He has not been driving for long, but he is very cautious. As the conversation was winding down he even through in a few jokes. I loved it. He made me feel so happy that I am not only his mom but also his friend. I am a very lucky mother and I hope I can make him feel as treasured as he makes me feel!

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It’s a date so significant in my lifetime that I will never forget!

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It’s the date the enemy came on our soil to kill Americans! 9/11/01 We will Never Forget!

We were living in Athens TX, a little bitty East Texas town. Rosedale Circle was our street and it was just a few blocks from the Hospital I worked at. I had just got out of the shower and was in the bedroom getting ready to blow dry my hair in front of the TV, set on GMA. I am looking at the screen and I see an airplane crash into the second tower. The camera shot was a live one of the first tower burning. The hosts just sat there, no words spoken… We, a country in shock!

As I sit here and remember this I tear up! I knew no one in any of the tragic crashes that horrible day, but I weep for them and their families anyway. The fear, pain and uncertainty of their last moments just haunt me. I often wonder about the plane that went down because brave selfless Americans said NO! God Bless them!

I have such anger and distrust for Muslims from the Middle East. I realize that is not PC, but it’s the truth. The difference between me (American) and them (Terrorist) is that I might contemplate your extinction but unless terribly provoked I would do nothing about it!

My God is a forgiving God. Understanding and loving and is the only judge for those souls that took it upon themselves to kill on our soil! I won’t forget, I find I can’t forgive and still weep for the dead.

9/11, I will endeavor to do something selfless on this unforgettable date. Something to remind me that those Americans that died that day won’t fade away for me.

Never Forget!

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Today I made it. I really thought that I would pull my crazy stunt and just start all over! So I am excited for me, YAY! I did however, change something’s but became more active in others. I know it’s not really a cure but I didn’t just end my FB account, that means something huh?

I want to lurk and read. I guess I should have just done that all along. Oh well, it may be a little late but at least my account is still there. My Twitter account is a lot more active LOL :0) not much will change my crazy.

I thought about asking what PSM thought, but I vetoed myself. I am sure it was a well discussed topic among the leaders? Oh well. I can play ignorant with the best of them! HEAD IN THE SAND, that’s me!

My book is good! Sweet and cute. :0)

I read a blog today that just broke my heart. I hurt someone’s feelings and I saw it in writing today.

You know, while I was sitting there just taken back by the writers frank feelings in black and white, I wanted so badly to give him my excuses for why I said what I did. As I sit here now, I feel it would be a lot to little & a lot to late.

I certainly did not intend to hurt your feelings. I can only imagine how hurt in the past you have been, and I hate that I have added to it. I so wish that I had just kept my mouth shut! I wish that a lot though. All I can truly hope is that with my so believed careless toss off of your book, life & feelings, is that I haven’t been elevated to a place in your mind that might effect your writing for the future. I hope that by putting in writing today on your blog that you can forget me and my callous words to you.

I have been hurt in the past and find that I try to hide my head in the sand and forget as much as possible. I shy away from reminders and sometimes find that the only people interaction I have is on the computer and at work, besides at home of course. I am glad you get your feelings out in black and white, I have recently found it is very cathartic.

I know you won’t ever read this but I wish you much success and even more happiness.

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